What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:46
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i do to all so called friends.?
If people in the UK hate Trump so much, why does he own golf courses there?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Do older women know what they want?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She married twice! .
I have no regrets .
Why are Americans obese? Is it the food or is it the psychology?
Put me off passion for life!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What should I do if I love a girl and she apparently doesn't love me?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She wouldn,t have been !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Seattle shop attracts top rock stars seeking vintage guitars - The Seattle Times
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Have you ever been humiliated in front of a group of girls and enjoyed it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What were some things that the ancient Greeks excelled at compared to the Romans?
I was scared of men, in general
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why does my mom never wear underwear?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What did someone say to you that instantly made you realize their life was in danger?
I don,t even have a pension.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
I was 9 years of age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My life is so biszare .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im still living with it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It was going to be , some day.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
All the time i was locked up.
I was very sick at this time too.
I said to her
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When she asked me how she looked .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And i lived it daily.
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Comes on , in middle age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We all went to grammer schools
She found it foreign!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She loved him until the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Who then, do I blame.?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
One cannot live in the past .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He knew the spot.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Would this be the day?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I will be 64.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were not on the streets..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I write beautiful poetry .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why did i forgive my father ?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So, i spoilt her more .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is soul school!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I waited trembling.
Ive learnt so much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..